just want to share with others.. hope this sharing will benefit all of us.. amin..
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Dear lilah,
It has been a long time since I last written to u,haha.Therefore I j uz write for fun.Just kidding.I am facing some kind of crisis and I want to confide to u .I don’t know where to begin, it’s kind of complicated…..ok,nth as complicated as ur love prob previously.
Erm,I was doing badly in my exam and my result coming out this end of dec can be worst. I am facing crisis of confidence and I really really start to worry about my future. I am majoring in Marketing now in business.For biz student to get good jobs,usually they have to be very outspoken or academically excellent.And I am none of them. And what we learn in marketing is not something we can really apply directly to our jobs, most are theories and no concrete skills are learned. Anyone from any other degree can easily apply for a marketing job. I am really worry I might end up doing a sales person’s job.(now I understand why everyone going after professional degree like medicine or law)To be honest, I am not someone smart and learn fast, and I realize that is wat a biz student should possess.And my English is definitely not good enough, I found myself difficult to speak up during the class and write very well .(I am working on it now , still I find it difficult to do so as if I have reached a saturated point)
The problem mentioned above might be considered minor, the worst problem I am facing could be my psychological prob.Being away frm home and everthing I was familiar with make me feeling helpless and lonely, this might be because I find it difficult to make friends with m y course mates.I just unable to make good friends with my coursemates and this made me feel terrible during the first 2 semesters.But I manage to somehow overcome this feeling now that I sort of don’t care abt how other ppl think of me now and whether I make friends or not in class. For the first 2 sem,I missed home terribly and cried many times.(but don’t be too shocked,I am someone who cry easily)
The second sem was terrible. I found myself severely fatigue and cannot concentrate on studies at all.I feel like sleeping every 10 minutes,This had very big impact on me emotionally.I started to get very nervous whenever I start studying,My heartbeat will turn faster until I gave up studying in frustration.I was devastated and even thought that I will consider to take drugs to reduce prob.(again don’t be shocked,just thinking only .I was terribly pessimistic during that time.)And I was regret of not studying the subject I really like.
Coming to 3rd sem of my studies, I took very few subjects.My 3rd sem is a b it slacked and heartbeat prob sort of disappears.I sleep a lot and pay attention to every tiny little detail to make sure I am in a good condition.My probs were mostly solved, but I feel that I am no longer the same.I no longer have the passion in my life or whatever dreams I used to have. And my result shows no improvement.This could be mainly because I am only some one who can score well by continously practicing and only score well when I know what is coming out and need to be studied.The exams in business are all ambiguous and open ended.There is nothing much u can study for it.Ppl can study nothing and yet get A because they wrote their arguments or whatever very well.And projects and presentations maka up a major part of the marks. Maybe I am just not suitable for this subject but I juz don’t feel like changing it anymore.But to remain in business, I was worry of working abilities and the ability to speak in eng.I think I have spoken too few when I was as school and sort of secluded myself and live in my own world.I realized this when I was speaking to my friend and I found myself difficult to articulate myself even in simple conversation
Ok, the conclusion is that I just hate who I am now. I seem to lose the target of my life and feel like not being able to do anything.Everything in life no longer interest me that much, not even my favorite books.
Sorry for this long winded letter, I hope I don’t make u falling asleep. I am working hard to come out from this crisis even though I might not be able to make it at all. I think I have juz become too lazy to do anything.Anyway,juz writing to u made me feeling a bit better
Miss u,
__________
( i dont remember which yahoomail u r using ,so i sent to both)
my email:
DEARIE _____..
Firstly can I speak in Malay? hehe..how should I begin? Well.. it seems to me that u are appeared to be doomed to academic failure.. I still remember you as a teenager who were my special friend that I love so much five years ago (I still do now..hehe), speaking little English, achieved impressive PMR results.. and 4.0 in STPM.. and then you went to Singapore.. It was not your background, or personal circumstances that held you back initially.. but the disruptive behavior and low expectations at the inner-city comprehensive that u attend..
Thus, don’t ever blame yourself neither hurt yourself.. !!
Secondly, about the study, to be honest.. there are many times that I had asked those questions to myself:
- What are you doing????? (Sometime I don’t understand anything at all what my lecturer taught.. I did referred to those thick books & did lots exercise, but still I don’t understand)
- Am I on the right track? (Sometime after all hard work, I still couldn’t achieve the target performance.. and I wonder if I was not belong to this course..)
- Should I quit? (..finally I started to seek my real capability.. my real desire.. however, I wonder if I did quit, I’m afraid that I was actually destroy my future.. because there is no guarantee that I will not make mistake. )
- How long should I wait?????!! (I discussed with those I trust for their opinion.. Alhamdulillah.. I had finally made a decision.. pesan mak abah : you must learn to make your own decisions.. choose your own path.. dont afraid to make decisions.. ofcoz each decision have their own risk.. but we do learn from mistake. so dont afraid.. put trust in Allah, you'll be alright dear..)
My advice for you..
1. discuss with those you trust.. your lecturer.. your parents.. your friend.. anyone that you trust.. (I’m glad that I’m one of them! :-p )
2. think out of the box.. exam is not everything.. results is not everything.. the reason why we put all our effort on it simply because that is our task to be done.. there are lots of people who haven’t scored well in exam turn out to be successful person and even contribute into society.. there are lots of way to make money..
kita seringkali berfikiran sempit dengan menghadkan peluang pekerjaan sebagai satu sumber pendapatan.. sedangkan ramai orang yang bekerja sendiri (self employed) yang mendapat pendapatan dengan melakukan pelbagai pekerjaan yang orang biasa tidak terfikirkan. atau orang biasa tidak gemar.. Contohnya berniaga sampah.. besi buruk.. em.. what else.. empty fruit bunch atau tandan kelapa sawit kosong.. ini ialah bahan buangan yang boleh buat duit.. boleh dibuat produk komposit sebagai alternative bahan binaan utk bangunan, kenderaan etc.. contohnya bot..
boleh buat tangki.. boleh ganti kayu balak.. tak perlu gun balak buat rumah.. in my final project, saya buat kertas dari kenaf.. sejenis tumbuhan renek yang kini banyak ditanamby farmer bagi menggantikan tanaman tembakau..percaya atau tidak, kenaf ni boleh dibuat casing laptop dan handphone yang menyejukkan laptop dan handphone.. banyak lagi benda yang boleh di explore.. kalau kita dapat mencipta machine2 yang dapat digunakan sebagai mesin dalam industry pun dah kaya tau.. etc.. macam2 cara nak buat duit.. menjadi motivater pun boleh buat duit.. jadi consultant boleh.. kalau yang tak perlu kelulusan, tapi kemahiran..em.. bisnes kereta sewa terpakai pun boleh.. jadi kontraktor comot2 pun boleh.. macam2 bidang boleh diterokai..
Thus don’t afraid about takde kerje.. tapi create kerja.. kita ada kepakaran.. we are professional.. we work as professional.. we can combine and work together with others.. we can built a company.. don’t worry about money.. we can loan it.. :p yang penting we are willing to work hard!!
thirdly, about the stressful life..Well my dear.. Same goes to me.. I was once like you are now, and I know that its not easy to be calm when you have found something going on. But take your time, think a lot.. Why, think of everything you have got.
For you will still be here tomorrow, but your dreams may not.. I cried a lot.. but I never thought about commit suicide neither drugs (^_~)..
Sometimes I did asked myself the reason for me to live? Why should I hold myself although I had lost everything that should be the reason for me to live? I learned the fact that this life is something to be gone through whether you like it or not.. Whether you prepare for it or not, you have to go through it.. The question is, am I strong enough? The answer.. You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have..My God said, He will test each people differently according to the people’s ability to withstand..(kalau kita tak mampu hadapinya, God will not test us.. He loves us very much!)
I learned from those people who had succeeded in their life. Surely they also overcome obstacle in their life.. The questions are how did they survive? What did they do to live happily? I found only an answer..Faith.. Believe in one God that create you..why? Faith is very important to me. When I realized things were falling apart it was what held me together. My religion says you should be determined and work hard, so I did.
Can you imagine a Lover who
feeds you,
shelters you,
protects you,
provides you with everything that you need
and does all of this without being asked?
He guides you,
motivates you,
shows you the best way to live your life
and provides solutions to all your problems.
He loves you so much that
he wants you to be with Him
throughout the day
and open up your heart,
your mind
and your soul
to Him.
And if you do wrong,
He will always forgive you,
so long as you sincerely turn to Him for forgiveness..
Again..
and again..
and again…
He will never expect from you
more than you can give.
He knows you
better than you know yourself.
He is closer to you
than the blood in your veins.
He gives you
better than what you ask for.
He loves you
for the tiniest things that you do.
There is no love
greater
than His.
He is our God..
With Him by my side, I feel secure and confident with myself.. It makes me feel perfect although my day was difficult.. My God said that He never creates something without a reason.. Everything that happened has it’s reason.. And EVERYTHING that we do are according to God’s plan, in Malay we call it takdir..
No man can fight takdir.. Some people said believe in takdir only make us stiff, recessive, stagnant or etc..
However when I apply it on myself, I feel much better.. I become positive thinkers, confident with myself, brave to speak out my thought and feeling.. Whenever I look back at my dark part of my life, I didn’t feel sad neither ashamed.. But I feel the inner strength that push me to stand up..
WHY?
Simple.. Sometimes God make us fall in a hole.. It does not mean He didn’t love me.. He loves so much that He wants me to be careful next time with other holes that might be more deep and dark.. And one more thing, maybe He did that just to make me learn how to survive so that I can help those that had fell into the hole..
Em.. I hope I did help you a bit if not much.. hehe..
Miss & Love you so much..
puisi comel tu copy paste dari http://pochedet.blogspot.com/
Ya Allah.. berilah hidayah petunjuk kepada diriku, keluargaku, sahabat2ku & orang di sekelilingku..amin..
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Assalamualaikum... :)